quisito's Journal

5:06pm: Feeling a little insane
Intelligence:

a) The capacity to acquire and apply knowledge.
b)The faculty of thought and reason.
c)Superior powers of mind
(dictionary deff.)

I've forgoten what grounds me...

"Superior powers of mind".....think about that...[the ability to apply knowledge to manipulate one's environment or to think abstractly]

Our abilities far outstand our fallbacks....
Thats why absorbing everything... weather it's when you're up or down...it can all be focused on obtaining thoes abilites through life shaping experiance.

[Growth through Experiance]
[Intellignece through experiance] is priceless

::Experiance everything::


lol, i arrived at my point somewhere, take it however you want it

feeling a bit like a sociopath...haha

10:50am: My girlfriend makes me melt <3
I'm getting really nervous....like pit of the stomach typa shit.

I don't like the feeling of no control, and it's starting. I thought i had this all figured out, but she does something to me. Its a farmiliar feeling...and that scares me even more. Its like a reasurance that this is real. like too real!

I want to put down in words all the things that i feel...describe it, recite it, tell her everything. But i have no words...her smile, her lips, her touch, it makes me weak. My favorite place to be is laying in her arms, and when she kisses my forhead and tells me she loves me, in that moment, i am completely happy.

I want to go on forever... but i'm not trying to turn something beautiful into something cliche...

All i know is today is going to be a great day...because shes in my world <33

I love you baby

10:14pm: I just need to vent a bit
sometimes i feel like i have everything all figured out.
Like i could conquer the world
And sometimes i feel like the walls are crashing down around me and i'm mearly dodging bricks in attemtps to move forward.

Today is one of thoes days, i don't know why, theres something strange happening i can feel it, i don't kno if its good or bad and i think that freaks me out.

I tend to escape reality alot, but what can i say i'm a pisces, thats just what we do. I had a good moment today, a pure one. I was sitting out back during the storm, and for thoes few minutes, everything made sense. take note i said "i tend to ESCAPE reality alot" So i know it was just my mind taking me to that place I often go where i am invinsable. You can call me crazy, but I think its that place keeps me sane.

I'm skeptical about my decisions recently, but thats normal to think about, its just too many of thoes thoughts could drive people mad. I only let myself get here every once in while because i need to face it every now and then.

I think i posses a constant demon...and if it is so, i know exactly why, i have this door that i just cannot close no matter how hard i try. and i always battle with two possabilities, either theres an underlying reason beyond my control that i can't forget, or else im just plain crazy. Although it is a constant reminder....a reminder....a guiding light...wow i think i just made a revolation. w.e it is, its haunting me, and for better or worse i feel as though im stuck with this hole. Its like a scar, i know it will get better because i've climed moutians from where i used to be. But it'll always be there....yeah a constant reminder.

I want to go back and fix everything, put this rollercoaster in reverse and slow it down, play it backwards and start over....but without the past i wouldnt be who i am in the present. Now is good...i've been through it. And the only thing i would have done differently...i would have found a way to avoid this hole.

ahh ok, i've been saved by some old friends...ew hopefully i can go bug out with them and shake this fucking bitch fit im having!


my mood....hmm rediculious! because i don't like to be here!
no time for spell check this is prob a wreck!

6:12pm: Some Kinda Awesome Friendship
I want someone who makes me feel alive
Someone who will hold me down and scream their life into my face
Someone with the answers I lack to escape this eccentric place
I want them to meet me on the flip-side of reality
Introduce them to my world outside the lines
Because in my mind i've encountered truth
It lies in the part behind deceit and deception
The key to my heart lies in my trust
Some give me some truth, and i'll open my world to you
Because my dreams hold the endings to all of my precognitions
Reveal all my hidden secrets, every last fucked up rendition
Words seem meaningless if left unsaid
There's a world of difference between spoken and read
That's why i'm compelled by your voice of reason
Because in all of your theories and fucked up lies, flowing from your alibi is that very reason
And its that reason
That gives me something to believe in.

holler at the girl that inspires me!
love you T!

8:45am: 5 things I want to say to people...
1. You don't know me like you think you do, and judgment on account of ignorance pisses me off!

2. You're an amazing human being, and i am so happy that you're apart of my life.

3. I hope we remain friends forever, despite past deceit

4. Money does not buy love...It just buys time

5. I not only admire you for your strength in mind and spirit, but i also look up to you as a person. I take something from everybody, but i want everything from you.

hollER! at This optimism <3

6:42pm: you've got to come original
Expression is seemingly vague,
Without explanation for this eccentric place, lets adequately judge this horrid race
No limitations, no boundaries to hinder our minds, yet no given freedoms to embody our lives.
“Be true” a slogan called out in space, more widely spread by invisible ink.
It’s here we exist in ghostly form, merely counterfeit characters in fabricated view.
Yet another figure, no more real to me than I am to you.

Conformity long past consumed this place, long past wiped out the human race.

Everyone’s lost, we’re all the same.
So lets follow a scripture that’s etched in stone, steadfast together and never move on.
If we don’t accept change or differences at all, together we’ll stand and together we’ll fall.
Leaving no opportunity to rise above, no opportunity to stand alone.
Put progress at a stand still, and die unknown.

And thats all i have to say about that! lol

Went off on a rant, sometimes that happens.

I'm giddy cuz i like the wink face, hollER!

7:40am: Reality Check
I have no mood rite now...

Last nights drunkenss gave me a slap in the face.

I wish i could remember every last detail so i don't think about it all day from a million different angles... then again i don't have that sort of luck.

I need to chill with my motives... Things are a whole lot different when you gain other perspectives.

Wow.... I need to stop this all together before I get hurt... Why do I always believe things are just going to go my way all of the time?

8:38am: Something about that smile...
I wish i could be invisible in the same room, so that staring wouldn't be so inappropriate.

7:10am: Sex, lies, & Friendship
I'm simply happy this morning.

Even tho it had only been a day without my friends i was starting to get annoyed. I guess i lean on them more then i think. They make me happy at just the thought of them. It make me nervous in a way, because i would do anything for them, and i need someone like that there for me.

Alice In Wonderland
Laughing
Smiling out of control...

Having a want...having that feeling eased.

I don't like to see people sad, if i could have a super power it would probably be the power to make any ones troubles go away. Just to say I put that smile on their face is the greatest reward. I guess because i am a genuinely happy person and i want everyone around me to feel the same. And i want them to know how much they mean to me. i have to start expressing that more. In a sober sense, because i know i tell all of my friends i love them when im intoxicated. lol

I'm starting to drive myself crazy with emotions. I don't know what i want. Or i know and i'm ignoring it? This is exactly why i'm going crazy, i'm always indecisive.
Thats also due to the nature of my pisces sign, the symbol is two fish swimming in opposite directions. They symbolize my heart and my head in constant opposition. It's forever going to confuse me, make my brain hurt, and my heart lust. In a sense it keeps my life exciting, lol. And there i go always trying to look at the positive side!

This next week and a half saddnes me. I have so much to do with finishing classes and work before my schedule changes, and my brothers graduation. I know i'm not going to have as much free time as i'd like, but when its all over....the posibilities are endless!

I have a huge secret rite now. I don't like keeping things from people. It makes me feel deceitfull. Im not deceitfull. I fantasize alot. not in a sexual way, just about life, and in my perfect world...I could love and never be hurt, and never hurt anyone else. I could jump into people headfirst and not think twice. But its just not realistic. Theres to many consequences.

In all honesty i could sit like this a write all day. Ramble on about the little things that make me tick. I wish i could do that today.

I wish i could spend the whole day with one person. And together do nothing at all. I feel like i'm always left wanting more. Thats nice...but i'm selfish.

On that note i think i'll go focus all of this bottled up energy on my 3hr psychology class. Maybe i'll gain some sort of insight!

7:44am: Pleasent surprise
This dismal day just made a surprising turn around. I got my income tax return in the mail. I was only 235 but i don't work that much. Anyway its a credit card payment, a bathing suit and some new kicks, hollER!

I'm content now, because i think i'll go shopping today, and that makes my heart smile!

6:38am: I slept last night. I dreamed one dream all nite. That never happens. I dreamed I was getting married to my first girlfriend....weird. I have this crazy craving to watch the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind, some people didn't like it because they didn't understand it. I think its genius.

I'm thinking about Tinas dad, how, i'm going to miss my 8am, how much i can't stand my ex-girlfriend right now and we're not even talking.

I do that sometimes...

I not feeling school today. I want to be with my friends all the time.



can my mood be undecided...I'm undecided.
Todays a weird day

9:47pm: The face for cynical seems so angry. I'm not angry at all, i'm feeling cynical in the sense that i'm skeptical. I'm always skeptical tho. I don't know weather to embrace people or run from them.

I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights. A lucid dream-like state...if that makes any sense at all. My mother told me i'm stressed and to keep a notebook by my bed to keep my thoughts from racing... I think i'm going through a revolutionary period. I also think you could drive youeself crazy from thinking about something too much, sometimes you have to just do.

Tina introduced me to this whole live journal thing. At first I thought it was kinda weird, but now i'm finding it surprisingly therapeutic.

I've been talking all day, but i don't know if i've really said anything yet. I don't even know what it is i'm trying to say.

Experiance has such irrefutable truth , prediction is just so vapid...I wanna live in all of my desires.